Mum guilt is the worst, do you agree? It is a strange thing how mums can feel guilty for many different things with no specific reason. Why are we doing this to our selves? And how NOT to feel guilty about everything we do?
Being a mum can be a challenging job and not always an easy one. We don’t want anything more than our little people to be happy and we do everything to see a smile on their little faces, right? Other than that, it is a horrible sensation to feel guilty; it is not useful too and can affect our parenting as well.
Feeling guilty could serve as a reminder to our selves how vital job we have raising this beautiful human, but guilt should not be the primary emotion you are parenting from. How can we eliminate mum guilt, though?
Being a mum is a busy and demanding job, and mums are perfect to beat themselves upon how they are performing in their role. If you are questioning yourself often of you do a good enough job, you most probably do. Otherwise, you would not be worrying about it, right? Do you know the definition of mum guilt? Let’s have a look where mum guilt is all about.
What is mum guilt?
Well, if you ask the dictionary, mum guilt is not existing. You may no out of the experience it most definitely is real emotion indeed. In the urban dictionary mum guilt is recognized though with the following definition:
Did you ever feel like this? I think it is a good statement, but mum guilt is much more than this. I can most definitely feel guilty without doing activities for myself too. Minor daily choices and actions can trigger a sensation of mum guilt. It is almost a skill, not sure it is a good one though.
Where do mums feel guilty about then?
Where do mums feel guilty about?
A better question may be, where do mums not feel guilty about? If we work much, we may feel guilty not being home enough with our kids. But when we work less, we may feel guilty we don’t bring enough funds in to support our family.
Other examples where mums may feel guilty about could be things like: Did I serve my child a healthy enough dinner? Should I have been more patience to my child today? Did I play enough with my child? Do I really do the best I can? Did I say no to many times today to my child? Should my child have been into swimming lessons by now? And so on, the list is endless.
Mums can feel guilty about everything!! It is kind of strange right, we do everything for these little people, and they are the reason we are living for. We want to do everything to set them up for success and see them smile. How does it makes sense that we think that this may not be good enough? Why is this feeling of guilt always testing us to be resistant?
Why mums are feeling guilty?
Good question, why can mums feel guilty about many daily choices they make. There may be different reasons behind the horrible mum guilt feelings.
Mum guilt may start in the very early days of pregnancy. When you discovered you were pregnant, your mind may have wondered trying to remind what you have been doing during the time you have been pregnant already but you was not aware of this yet. Straight away, the pressure is on to make the best decision possible for those we love the most, our unborn baby.
Of course, we don’t want anything more than making the best choices to set our babies’ up for success.
Also, the pressure of society can play a significant role. Parents are one of the most popular groups to be judged by the public. It is not strange to feel the pressure that we want to do it right. Parenting is a 24/7 hour job, and we put all our love and passion into it. The last thing we want is feeling judged for all that we do for our children and feeling our choices are doubted to be the right ones for our children.
One I learned a famous quote stating: Don’t judge a man if you didn’t walk a mile in his shoes. Well, this one goes very well for mums too.
The reality is, you can never win, and you will always be judged no matter what choice you make. When you decide to breastfeed, you may experience being judged feeding in public, but when you choose to bottle feed your baby, you most likely will experience being judged for this as well.
So when do we start feeling guilty?
When do we experience mum guilt?
So we do everything we believe is best for our child, but we most likely will be judged for our choices by others, and this can make us question ourselves. Did we make the best decision for our child? Especially becoming a new mum can be extremely overwhelming period, definitely difficult enough without being judged by others. The changes you are going through becoming a new mum can trigger feelings such as guilt easily.
You may have put certain expectations on yourself before your baby was born how you would be like as a mum. You may have that picture in your head what kind of mother you would be, and you may feel totally different living the mother role in reality. You may try to reach unrealistic goals and put yourself under lots of pressure to achieve those goals. As the goals are not reachable, you may experience emotions such as failure and guilt can easily creep up on you feeling unsuccessful in your new role.
How not to feel guilty about everything?
Going through the transition of becoming a mum, is kind of go through an identity crisis. When becoming a new mum, pretty much all aspects of your life will be reprioritized. This can be a difficult period, and feeling guilt is not going to help us. What may help is being flexible and letting go of the expectations you previously had. Let them go and don’t try to fulfil what is unrealistic in your current circumstances. Adjust your plan and let go.
In this transition period, we will discover our parenting style, and as we all know, there are many different styles, and we not all going to agree with each other. What is essential, is that you find your unique style what fit you and your family.
When you find your parenting style, find peace and comfort in this, this may help you overcoming mums guilt. Feeling confident and happy how you make decisions and raise your child is an important milestone. It may be different for you, but this process can take time, it most definitely did for me.
Mums, guilt is the worst. If you would ask me, parenting can be a tough gig, and we should try to have fun as much as we can. It may be cliche, but very accurate, the days may be long, but the years are short.
The reality is, we are not perfect, and we don’t have to be perfect. We are human, and we make mistakes. Trying to stop being perfect and letting go of unrealistic expectations could help to overcome mum guilt.
“Be flexible in your expectations if mum life is different than you pictured before the baby was born and adjust to your circumstances’.
Trying to adjust that expectation rather than feeling guilty not meeting the expectations you had imagined of being a mum. This could help to overcome mum guilt.
If you discovered what parenting style suit your family, have peace with them. We have unique circumstances and lives, which will suit different parenting to let it work. Let guilt have a place, but don’t let it rule on the frontline. The best choice you can make for your child is to parent out of love and not out of guilt.
Your child wants you to be happy, and you help your child the most to feel satisfied by being happy. Of course, we all will feel guilty with time, and that is only normal, I think. But I hope that applying these tools may enable you to eliminate some of the mum guilt.
No, we are not perfect, and we don’t have to be. But we are all doing the best in our abilities to raise little people, and we owe them to try letting go of mum guilt to make more place for love and laughter in the house.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article and please leave a comment below if you like to share some of your experience of the discussed topic. Thanks for stopping by, we appreciate your feedback.